I wish I could tie you up in my shoes, make you feel UNPRETTY too.
I was told I was beautiful, but what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who’s inside there, the one with long hair.
Same old me again today…..
People question as to what launched my interest in makeup. Most all girls grow up wanting to wear highheels and waiting for the day their mom will let them wear colored nailpolish or even the day when you’ll get taken to the makeup counter and get matched with your first real foundation and lipgloss.
I remember that day very vividly. I’d really wanted to wear makeup for sometime and my mom told me that I could not start wearing makeup until I was in the 9th
grade. Once that time came I was elated and I begged and begged for her to take me to go pick it up. She finally took me to fashion fair which was what we deemed to be the best brand for the woman of color at the time, to get matched for foundation and I was even allowed to get a lipgloss. I sat down in the chair and the representative proceeded to try to find the perfect foundation shade for me that would allow me to have a natural look. She tried various shades and placed them on my jawline to see which one worked best. Once she found the proper shade she proceed to apply it to my face however there was one problem she wasn’t prepared for and she proceeded to cake layers and layers of makeup on my face in order to cover a flaw that I’ve lived with since birth. When I finally got to look in the mirror I was horrified. I didn’t look anything like myself; I felt completely the opposite of what I thought makeup was supposed to make you feel. I was supposed to feel beautiful, pretty, look like a model, but all I could see was the heaviness of the makeup on my face… I told my mom that I didn’t want makeup anymore. I left saddened and hurt thinking that I would never be able to cover up the one thing that was going to be with me for the rest of the life. It was at that point that I thought that I was never going to be pretty.
Hyperpigmentation, scarring, acne, and blackheads are all problems people have with skins and most of these problems are easy to fix. However I live with what is classified a Mongolian Spot.
Photo Site Dermatology Information Systems
Mongolian Spots usually occur in children of Asian, Native American and African-to-African American descent and they usually disappear when the child starts to age. They are normally located on the buttock or on the back and can resemble a very light colored bruise. They range in size from a small circle to widths of the entire backside. With it’s location is often goes unseen by those who are not in your household however in rare instances Mongolian Spots can take residence on the face and in even rarer instances they do not go away. I was dealt the hand where my mongolion spot was placed on my right eyelid and instead of going away it has slowly started to spread across the bridge of my nose.
Growing up I constantly got stares, I constantly got asked questions about child abuse and was picked at constantly. I was called names that ranged from “the green eyed bandit” to being told by bully’s that they’d “black my other eye”. I was raised to tell people that it was a birthmark and I accepted that until one day going to the dermatologist to deal with my acne I inquired about possible removal of the discoloration. The doctor informed that a procedure was available but, since the spot was on my eyelid and my nose it was not recommended due to closeness to the eye area. More than two dermatologists have told me this and so I decided to let it be. Although I was always told that I was pretty or that I had beautiful skin I could never understand how people were able to look past my skin disorder and see any of that. I’ll never forget the day I came home from college for a visit and my mom looks at me and says “Melody your mark is spreading!” This was something that I’d already realized but I was hoping nobody else would. It was true my skin disorder was spreading over the bridge of my nose. I was slowly turning into a raccoon.
After many years of trying various foundations and concealers I finally found a combination that gave me just the right coverage without looking too made up. I was able to gain confidence. Seeing the power that makeup had to change the way I looked and make me feel better about myself sky rocketed my interest into wanting to know more about various makeup products and how else I can use them to enhance who I was. While wearing makeup gave me more confidence as I grew older I began to realize that makeup was just enhancing who I was and that I could not wear it everyday nor could I use it as a mask to hide behind. That in order to live to my fullest potential I had to be willing to accept how I looked without it. I started to use my new confidence right away. When I would go on dates I would always tell the guy about it and made sure the next time he saw me it was without makeup. Most of them thought it was rather cool and some even requested that I never covered it up.
Now I embrace my looks, I constantly go without makeup knowing that somebody is going to tell me that I forgot to put eyeshadow on the other eye, or they are going to whisper behind by back about how I must have gotten hit by my fiance. I find all these things to be okay because in all of this I learned how to ”beat my face” in such a way that I know I can turn heads when I walk into the room.
Sometimes we start off as ugly ducklings, but all ugly ducklings grow up to be beautiful swans